The Flight

     As you all know, I'm scared shitless of flying...The morning of my flight I began to shake uncontrollably...I took a Xanax and although it helped some, it wasn't enough...
     David and I leave my house about 1:30pm...At that time I take another Xanax and my plan is to have a couple of shots at the airport...Ok, so check baggage...done, but I want David to take me back to the plane in a wheel chair...wayyyy too far to walk...But they won't give him a pass and so I'm on my own...so minutes wasted trying to get the pass...I still have to go through the scanner, take off my shoes, take my laptop out and place it in a seperate bin...Well this line runs a little too fast for me and I'm jamming up the end of the line trying to get my laptop back in my bag...I finally get it in but can't close the zipper all the way, so I take my shoes over to a bench and put them back on. This 40 minutes of standing and walking is already hurting my back...So I head to my gate, pulling along my very heavy (40lbs) carry on and my purse which is also stuffed to the gills...FUCK, I left my cane on the belt and
 have to go back...Still there, WHEW!  I retrace my steps back to where I was and I look up and the gate that I need is of course ALLLLLL the way down at the other end...What I see is gate 36 and where I need to go is gate 6...Fuck...
     So I start to walk and every so often there is one of those belt mover thingies so I get on but still walk...I look up and it is 3:10...Shit! No time for shots! My plane leaves at 3:25 and you are supposed to  board 20 minutes early...Fuck fuck...I am less than halfway there and my back is SCREAMING and I'm limping so badly that I'm walking like an ape...

     All of a sudden this man appears from heaven with an empty wheel chair coming towards me...I ask him if he can get me to gate 6 and he takes me and my crap on board...He asks me what time my flight leaves and when I tell him he says, "oh shit" and starts running with me! Ok, so I just closed my eyes and go for the ride...He gets me there, I'm the last one to board but I am so grateful that I give him $10.00...
     I have a middle seat and here I stand looking at an obviosly very disgusted man when I told him I'm in the middle...He gets up and I cram my carry on in on the floor and then cram myself in, my purse on my lap and wedged my cane in between him and I...It tips over and hits him in the leg, (I am secretly laughing my ass off) but I move it to the other side where a young girl is sleepinig...He mumbles something about "them" not letting me keep that bag there...I ignore him because all of my important shit is in there, laptop, meds, jewelry, camera, all charging cords, shoes...But sure as shit, here comes the stewardess and I swear he flagged her down and tells me she will have to move my bag up front...NOOOO, I don't WANT my carry on somewhere else, I want it with me...Well, she wins and as the crabass helps her pull it out she says, "JEEZE, what do you have in here?" and it falls over...on the laptop side...So she takes it up front and says she will let me know where it is...She never does...
Snacks came, no thank you...I have a chicken breast sandwich and an orange in my purse, squished but still very tasty...
     We take off and I am ecstatic when the pilot announces that the flight is 3 hours and 45 minute and not the 4 hour 5 minutes that I was expected...Hey, 20 minutes is 20 minutes...My 2nd Xanax kicks in and I read. Time flies when I read and it seem like only an hour and we were there, nice smooth flight, no screaming babies...
The bitch that dropped my bag is standing up front when I exit and I tell her I need my bag...She gives me a dirty look and goes and gets it out of the overhead up front...thank God it is still there, anyone could have taken it before I got up there...She doesn't offer to hand it to me but sets it on the seat, so I step in and open it, telling her that I HOPE my laptop is not broke from HER dropping it...And United? You need to rephrase your "Fly the friendly skys of United" to "Fly at your own risk because our crews are rude!"
     I had preordered a wheelchair at the other end and when I came off of the plane it was there with my name on  it...
My back was really hurting from sitting in one position for so long...I hopped on and he took me to baggage claim...It was a LONG way...so glad I did the granny chair thing...
So then we wait for the baggage to come down the belt where the sign says to wait...maybe 20 minutes when they announce that it will be coming down the far shoot...Well, of course it will and I go limping down there...Another 15 minutes...But my ride is there, thank you Sandy...I LUFF you! and I am DYING for a smoke...I get to Teresas and tear into my carry on for my pain pills...I'm here! WOOOO HOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Oh and by the way..miss stewardess...

Oklahoma City 2011

I want to talk about Oklahoma City today...While Donna and I were traveling west we stopped at her sister Teresas house (my cousin) to shower, power nap and hit the road again...Donna asked me if I wanted to stop and see the OKC bombing site...Teresa had been a first responder being only 3 blocks away when it hit...I was hesitant about going to see it only because I wanted to be on the road to Patty but we decided that we would stop...We spent an hour there with Teresa walking us through the days events.

It was one of the most humbling experiences of my life...I will blog this with pictures and captions, taking you with me...



 
Each end of the block is blocked off by these monuments and the street is now filled with water...No access but on foot...

             Guarded 24/7 both on the ground and from the air...

There is a chair for every man woman and child that perished on that awful day...Big chairs for the adults and little chairs for the babies...Every chair has a name engraved in it and at night, the bottoms illuminate...

           This lonely man broke my heart as he sat on a loved ones chair, at times with his head in his hands...

                                                                 The Survivor Tree

                             The childrens playground, now forever closed...


 
 The teams wrote messages on the adjacent walls where they have remained for almost 16 years...

                    I like to call these the walls of love...So very touching

                                                      The rawness remains...

Heading West

      My cousin Donna and I had been throwing around the idea of heading out to Phoenix for a couple of weeks previous...Patty had come close to death and we wanted to see her. We tried every combination possible, she living in Indy and me in Mi we could drive, fly, train...Only one problem...We didn't have any money...We were both waiting for our taxes to come back. Being the early riser that she is, she called and woke me up one morning at 7am...(We had talked about us taking her car or her truck...car has lots of miles on it and I truly don't think my back will make a 4000 mile round trip in a truck.) We only have one vehicle here and hubby needs it for work...she calls and says "how about this: I'll rent a car, and we'll drive out...I say, how about this, let me get a cup of coffee in my hand and I'll call you back"...and so I did. 
     We talked about it and it sounded like a good plan. She could rent the car on a credit card and I could give her my half later..."When are we leaving?,"  I ask.  She says "let me check on the car and call you back"...A couple of hours later she calls and says, can someone drive you down to Dayton? She will rent the car from there, I will meet her and we will leave. How fast can I get there? Well, I'd had a pile of stuff ready to go all week but not packed, not knowing if or when I could go. I said I can be packed and ready in an hour and it takes 3 hours to get to Dayton...ok fine...call me when you're on your way she says. My hubby ran up to one of those quick loan places and borrowed $500.00 and Donna had $60.00 but like I said our taxes were to be deposited within a few days...We left Dayton on a Friday just before dark...We had to run back by the airport to the car rental so that they could see my drivers license and I could share in the driving...Then stopped in Indy (right off of the highway) and had dinner with her BF and her son and his girl... finally we are headed west, I'm already tired from the ride to Dayton so she starts out driving. We hit it off right away, (remember we don't even know each other) and chat about family, spouses, kids, the trip etc...She gets tired of driving so I take over...the route is pretty straight and simple and she gets her pillow and blankie and tilts back and goes to sleep...we are going to try and make it to Oklahoma City so we can sleep at her sisters house. We don't want to get a room because we don't want to spend the money...Just for gas, oh and lots of coffee to keep awake...
    Now, I've been through St Louis Missouri before, seen the arch, it's a beautiful city at night, yadda yadda, but had never DRIVEN through it. I get to the top of this hill and the roads fan out in half a dozen directions, 6 lanes of heavy traffic and several different routes...I am already in the right lane and couldn't get over if I tried so I just take that route...Nope, wrong route and it takes us 80 miles out of our way until she wakes up and we study our mapquest. She has a GPS but we haven't hooked it up yet, so we do that, stop and get a REAL map and she drives again for awhile...I fall asleep and after a few hours she is sleepy again too so we pull into a truck stop and drive up and down and up and down all theses isles of running sleeping big trucks. One of us makes the comment that the truckers probably weren't real fond of us driving around and flashing our lights in their windows...We don't want to park here but she finds an area in front of the building that is lit up and cars only, we tilt our seats back, turn off the car and crash...But I kept waking up. I had it in my head that I was going to wake up to some big trucker guy with his face in my window...After awhile it is getting cold in the car and although we have blankets it's not enough...My back and body fell like they're frozen in position...So we sit up again and drive...drive...drive...Dollar menus and coffee...(I swear I will never eat off of a dollar menu again!)  I can't tell you when, but sometime the next day we made it to her sisters house and crashed, but not for long...only a couple of hours and we were back on the road again...Time was of the essence in getting to Patty...
    So before we left her sisters house we do another mapquest to the next town that we will stop in, only we have decided that we will get a room this time so we can get a full nights sleep...My cousin Theresa, Donnas sister, a first responder in the OKC bombing, guides us to the bombing site and walks us through the tradgedy...we spend an hour or so there...A very sad and humbling place but I am glad that I've gone...It deserves it's own blog and I will get to that...We seperated from cousin Theresa there and Donna is driving and then later I took over while Donna slept...this stretch of road is a gazillion miles long, very dark, no gas stations, no rest areas, (not that we'd go to one anyway!), no exit ramps, not even anywhere to pull over...nothing...Just miles and miles and miles of nothingness...It is night again and all there are on this road is truckers...By now I have been driving for 6 hours and my back is killing me.  (I have degenrative disc disease and 2 herniated discs)...I'm getting severe shooting pains in my lower spine and am close to tears...FINALLY!  I can see the city lights in the far distance, I floor it...Amerillo Texas, that's where we're staying...I wake her up tell her we are in Amerillo and all I get is a weak "yay"...I pull in to a gas station and she sits up and says, No cuz, we aren't staying here, it is not safe. We still have 400 miles to go! WHAT THE FUCKING GOD DAMNED HELL KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT!  I practically fell out of the car, close to tears as my back was in excruciating pain...No, she says again, I said Albuquerque, like in New Mexico, not Amerillo...I was PISSED and she was PISSED, both of us growling but not wanting to have a full out fight...Our first Higgins spat, tiny but intense...so I walked around for a few, got my pillows assembled under and behind my back so I couldn't feel the road vibration, popped 2 vicodin and went to sleep...and so again, we arrive at our new destination in the dark...
     We find Albuquerque but the GPS has us going through sub-divisions and around in cirles...We can SEE the city lights below,  but we don't know how to get to it...After awhile I'm ready to throw that stupid ass GPS out the window...this entire trip, whenever we get off the highway to potty and grab some coffee, it says in a WAY too sexy voice, make a u turn, turn left, turn right..."SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID BITCH",  I scream at the GPS, and again we both begin to laugh, hysterically...Drive and drive and finally find a room... there is only one room left and it is on the smoking floor...Donna is not a happy camper as smoke really does bother her...I feel bad for her but I am elated!  I didn't over do it out of respect for her but it was nice to wake up and have a smoke with my coffee...We haul ALL of our shit in just in case the car gets stollen, she had showered at her sister and I badly needed one...It is after midnight and she says about me taking a shower, "what about the people next door?" I said "FUCK the people next door, I'm showering!" She just chuckles and shakes her head at me...By the time I get done she is sleeping, fully clothed...I relax and smoke another wonderful cigarette and crash. By now it is after 2am...
    Early Donna is up, dressed and ready to hit the road as I stumble around trying to wake up...We see hot air balloons going up in the distance...cool, we take some pics and she asks me if I'd like to check out the town. I'm feeling guilty about taking the extra time that we should be on the road but we decide to go into town and look around...I'm glad we did...what a great little shopping town, (yet another blog coming up!) great pics, friendly people for the most part, and we strolled around for about an hour...It felt good to be up and walking...
    When we were getting ready to leave we could see these mountains off in the distance and I, of course, wanted pictures because we had completely driven through the Ozarks in the dark, but somehow we ended up in an industrial section...we see a man standing at the back of his pickup truck...there is a couple of items in it and a yard sale sign...We laughed our asses off but didn't get a pic...We are going up and down all of these roads trying to get a closer shot of the mountain range without the buildings and fences in the pic...all of a sudden we are cruising down this street and all lanes of traffic are coming in our direction! Facing us! We are driving the wrong way! She shoots into a driveway barely before a head on collision, horns honking, headlights flashing at us..(quick thinking Donna!) and we start to laugh and laugh and laugh...Why is this funny? Because we are over tired and it just is...As we sit there a trucker is parked across the street and he wanders over towards the building he is headed to, shaking his head and laughing at us too...He said, "don't worry, you're not the first ones to do that." It seems that we can find our way around better in the dark than in the daytime...We finally get our bearings and continue west. We drive and drive and drive and I fall asleep...the next time I wake up it is dark and we are parked in a Holiday Inn parking lot and Donna is sleeping behind the wheel, so we crash for a couple of more hours and get back on the road...We arrive in Phoenix... at night... in the dark...
    I have to say that one of the best things about driving into the dark is the sunsets...I will post some here but will have a whole slew in my FB pics...The west has some of the most beautiful sunsets I've ever seen...
    Donna, if you can add anything that I've forgotten or perhaps some of these things are out of sequence, please do so...My jumbled brain may have forgotten some things...I enjoyed traveling with you immensly...The worst for me was the non smoking car...that sucked, mostly when trying to stay awake behind the wheel...
    Now remember folks, this was just the trip out, I still have the trip back, the time spent in Phoenix, OKC, Albuquerque and much else to tell you about...It was a trip of a lifetime and I shall never forget it...
    
    
    
   

This place was in the middle of no where...

They sold 2 kinds of cigarettes, Marlboro Red and Marlboro Gold...lol

WHOOO HOOOO...We made it!!!

    

My Night With Patty

   When Teresa and I returned to Pattys house after our romp around town I expected her to be resting...she'd just gotten out of the hospital, was weak, tired and sore from all of her medical boo boos...But nooooo, I walk into her room and her entire bed is covered in medical supplies and several of those little pink plastic wash bins that they give you in the hospital and she is walking around and organizing her stuff...Bandages in one, tapes in one, meds, etc...About 6 or 8 in all...I offered to help but she wouldn't have it. "No thank you, I got it," she says...when she gets done with that she proceeds to show me all of the things I've ever given her...Just a few, but she had them all there in her room...she has many pretty things in her room...When she posted to "PLEASE don't send "stuff", I was a little bummed as I like to send my loved ones little things from time to time, but now I can see why...Her room is stuffed with "stuff"...All beautiful and meaningful to her but she just has no more room to put anything...
    I took my shower and left her to her organizing...It was quiet in the house now, everyone had left but her, our mom, and I...We finally lay down and talk...girl talk, sister talk and then she gets back up...I don't question what she's doing, she leaves the room and comes back, lays back down and gets back up...again I don't question her. I'm laying there wondering why she is gone so long and suddenly CRASH! OMG she's fallen! (she had fallen earlier in the day)...I fly out of bed and she is standing in the kitchen with a broom in her hand...She was filling her water bottle with ice and half the bag had crashed to the floor...this time I didn't ask, I told her no no no, you are NOT cleaning this up, taking the broom from her...I called it our "Arizona Ice storm."  Mom had slept so soundly that she never even heard it. Maybe because she knew someone had Pattys back for the night.
    Patty is extremely independant. She moniters her own meds, takes care of her own treatments, nebulizer, bandage changes, etc and writes it all down with the times of day...It is a full time job for her but she wouldn't have it any other way...check out her blog at ..............
http://pateeta-shadesofblue.blogspot.com
    We finally lay down and fall asleep holding hands...I'm not sure if she got back up again or not as once I crashed, I crashed! I know she fears sleep and not waking up and she is weak as her thrush (is like a severe sunburn in the mouth and tongue caused mostly by meds) forbids her from eating more than a couple of bites of food at a meal. But she has a wonderful Hospice team and is going to ask her nurse about nutrition. Although she is very drugged throughout the day she manages to keep on top of things...She still has a child at home, well I should say young man and continues to mother him like she isn't even ill...The woman is plainly AMAZING and she is MY baby sister! Patty-Cake, I wanna be just like you when I grow up!
    The following morning I am leaving for home. We get up and have coffee and visit, loving, holding hands, sad that I have to go...My phone rings and it is Teresa..."Don't you DARE leave before I get there!" Of course I will wait for you Sissi...In the meantime Donna arrives to pick me up, she had stayed at Uncle Pats...We all hang out visiting for the last time...Me, loving on my sis and holding hands with my new found mom...Teresa gets there and it is a total lovefest...all of us girls, Patty, Donna, Teresa and mom and then Teresa pulls a ring out of no where, she kisses it, Patty kisses it and she places it on my finger..."It is a sister ring and we all wear one." I am FLOORED and happy and sad that I have to leave, all at once...I belong! We are family and they have welcomed me with open arms...Life has never been so good...
    The ring is called a Claddagh and it has a heart being held by 2 hands and topped with a crown...Teresa explains that as long as the point of the heart is facing my heart we are all joined...Here is my research on it...
    The Claddagh ring (Irish: fáinne Chladaigh) is a traditional Irish ring given as a token of love.
    The design and customs associated with it originated in the Irish fishing village of Claddagh, located just outside the city of Galway. The ring was first produced in the 17th century during the reign of Queen Mary II, though elements of the design date to the late Roman period.
    The Claddagh's distinctive design features two hands clasping a heart, and usually surmounted by a crown. The elements of this symbol are often said to correspond to the qualities of love (the heart), friendship (the hands), and loyalty (the crown). It lives on my left thumb and will never come off...I treasure my family and am still swooning from the love that has been given to me...I love you all...
    Good-byes have been said and Teresa and I are standing at the front door when a truck pulls up and a guy comes walking up to the house...Donna squeals and starts jumping up and down that it's Frank! OMG, the last sibling to meet! He is very busy in his work and I had given up on meeting him...
As he walks in the door we embrace each other and he takes a step back and says to Teresa, "now who is this?" They are all so used to the many visitors that Patty gets that he honestly doesn't know who I am.
Bless his heart, hug first, then ask questions...He finally makes his way to Pattys room where she has retreated...Going in to say the last good-bye Donna insisted on pictures...She took pics of the 4 of us, Teresa, Patty, Frank and I. (Rob and Sandy had already gone back to CA) When she was done I asked him if I could hug him again and of course, being a Higgins, I got a big ole bear hug...The circle is complete, we are one and they have lovingly pulled me in and embraced me...Wayyyyy overwhelming but still I keep it together (GOOD GIRL VIC!)
    Gotta run kids...Picture this and when I get the actual pic from Cuz, I will post it but here is Patty standing out front with everyone else as we leave...Do to swelling in her legs she has to wear those long white stockings that the hospital gives you...they are open at the toe but you are supposed to pull them over your toes...Not Patty! Nope, she creates her own style and has them pulled back, wearing flipflops and has purple polish on her toenails!  EPIC! I loved it...
    I hate it but the car has to be back and we barely have enough money to get home on...I am so proud of myself not only to be a part of this wonderful family but that I've kept my emotions in tact...
   We are backing out of the driveway and Donna yells out the window to them, "She's already crying..."  I'll be damned, I am...hadn't even noticed...But I manage to pull it together as Donna and I talk about our experience...
    (note: of course a full day AFTER we left my taxes had been deposited...If we hadn't been so darn tired we would have turned around and went back for another week...shit, damned IRS!)
   
    Teresa hanging onto the car so we can't leave...lol...and my precious ring...

 

"Not a Good Time"

We, meaning my cousin Donna and I, cruised into Phoenix late at night. After 2 days on the road, sleeping in the car, stopping in OK City at my other cousins to power nap, shower and hit the road again.  We had left home with $560.00 between us and were both waiting for our taxes to be put in our accounts. We didn't want to spend money on rooms however we did end up getting one in New Mexico...we were just plain exhausted...

4 hours from Phoenix we got a call from the person with whom we were supposed to stay, and for reasons beyond her control, she couldn't have us...Shit, it's late, we're in Phoenix and have NO idea where to stay...first we find the hospital and although it is too late to visit at least we now know where it is...we are panicky, not knowing which are the "bad" neighborhoods and which are safe...So we go to a cousins house and he gets on his computer and shows us where to go, we book a room and we go...The money is dwindling fast...By the time we get settled in it is almost 2:00am...Exhausted, we shower and fall into bed...

    Let me say here that Donna is an EARLY riser...WAYYYYY early...I know she is impatient while waiting for my slow ass to wake up and then awhile longer for me to actually function. But, bless her heart, she never says a word...I move as fast as my old body will allow...It is still very early...we leave the room and walk into the hospital at 9:20am...I am nervous as I know that I will be facing my siblings, the ones I've never met and their mom...I've about chewed my thumb off (I chew, pick, chomp and mangle my left thumb when I'm nervous) Throughout the trip when Donna would catch me "picking" she'd gently lay her hand on mine and say, "stop, it's going to be ok."  (this from a cousin who I've just met)...Oh, we'd seen each other a couple of times but had no relationship. We were strangers and we were Higgins's...OMG, what a combination as we Higgins's, although very loving and close, have tempers that could take out a large city...
    Just let me talk about Donna for a minute...She's elegant, rowdy, ladylike and swears as much as I do...She's got the patience of Job, nerves of steel and one of the softest hearts I've ever known. This cousin/sister of mine has wriggled her way into my heart. I don't let many in there. It has been protected for many many years with the walls around it. I would die for her.
I love you sweet Donna!

    Ok, so we find Pattys room, she has only just had surgery 2 days ago but came out of it unscathed. The surgery was suppose to take 4 hours and she was supposed to be on a respirator for up to 14 days. This goes against herDNR (do not resusitate) order that she has signed...But after long meetings with the family she agrees...to 14 days only, and then they are to pull the plug. She is very ill and very tired...

    If you know our Patty, you know that she is a woman of strength and pride, and loves beyond measure...as we approach her room we see that her curtain is half drawn but see no one sitting in there...We walk in and peek around the curtain and Patty says, "not a good time."  She was getting her breathing treatment.   She had blasted through surgery in an hour and within the next hour in the recovery room, her surgery had taken and her lung began inflating on it's own...NO RESPIRATOR!!!!  The woman is AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, UNBELEAVABLE !!!
    So we wait in the hallway until she is done (pick pick chew chew)and she calls us in...I get ahold of her and wrap myself around her...Oops, gotta be careful, she has medical boo boos everywhere...sorry babe, didn't mean to hurt you...

    She is much thinner than when she visited me last summer and her color is gray but she's got the biggest most beautiful smile on her face that I've ever seen.  We visit for ahwile, just us 3 girls. Patty says that Rob and his wife Sandy will be here soon...Oh CRAP...(now ripping at my thumb) Remember, I know him, but don't know him, never met.  As they approach her room, Rob in the lead, he is grinning from ear to ear...I get up and meet him at the door where he gives me one of the bestest hugs of my life and tells me he loves me. Wow, it IS going to be ok, Donna!  His beautiful wife then embraces me and tells me SHE loves me...OMG, am I dreaming all of this? Someone pinch me, please. (Donna, you nevermind!)

    Ok, so 3 more to meet...Other sis, other brother and mom...SCARY...
   
    Just before noon I see sister Teresa, no pun intended, walking towards the room...wait...is that her or me? We look JUST alike and I could tell by the look on her face that she was edgy. I didn't immediately get up to meet her at the door, quite honestly I was skeered...she walked in, Patty introduces us and we hug and bond...immediately...love all around...hand holding, cheek kisses, power hugs, all of us...We were one and we were united...With the exceptions of my children being born this is the highlight of my life...FINALLY, I BELONG and to this WONDERFUL AND LOVING family! How blessed am I? UNBELIEVABLE!

    By this time it is early afternoon...Everyone is hungry and Patty is exhausted. We all decide to go to lunch together and let Patty rest. We go to Jack in the Box at my request. (They have been gone from Michigan for many years) we eat, we laugh, we talk, Teresa and I sit together so we can touch and hug each other while we eat...acting like little girls .When we were done everyone was going home until the evening. Donna and I went back to the hospital but Patty was sound asleep...We left her be and decided to go and visit our Uncle Pat and his wife...I haven't seen them since I was 5 years old...Donna has kept in touch with them and is very fond of them. I trusted her judgement and we went...I'll get to that visit later...back to Patty...
    We went back up to see her in the evening and although in pain she was sitting up and visiting...at some point she ordered everyone out of her room (there was probably 8 of us in there)...except her sisters...Teresa and I got on each side of her and we hugged and pow-wowed...Just us, joined at the heart...Unbreakable and still unblievable...Wow, I'd never experienced anything like it in my life, the raw and pure love...Mindbending...

    Later that evening after leaving the hospital, I am to go to spend the night at Teresas and Donna will stay at Uncle Pats...We will meet her at the hospital in the morning.  I go to Teresas and Rob, Sandy, Teresas son Bobby, Donna and Karen (Uncle Pats daughter that I'd just met) and we all laugh and take pics and Teresa has steaks for the grill. It is warm and beautiful outside although it is getting dark...Rob grills the steaks, Sandy and Teresa baked potatos and made salad and I just chilled with a beer...Donna and Karen leave to go back to uncle Pats house and Rob and Sandy and us sisters get aquainted, drink beer and love each other...Rob and Sandy leave and sis and I stayed up well past 2:00am looking at old pics and I am still in shock from the wonder of it all ...what a wonderful wonderful feeling...I love you Teresa!!!

    Donna, the early riser, calls EARLY...My blow up bed has scooted under the coffee table so when I go to grab my phone I bump my head. Not that it did any damage...I was already damaged...lol..."hello" I say groggily...WHAT? Patty is getting out today??? OMG! WHOOO HOOO...
I let Teresa sleep and as I have my coffee and try and clear the webs from my brain it hits me...SHIT, if Patty is going home, I am going to have to go THERE to see her...Her moms house...(insert thumb between teeth) I haven't met her yet!
    I have to add here, that I got a kick out of Teresa when she got up. She is JUST like me in the morning, stumbling around with her coffee and not talking...I can so relate...Don't talk to me until I've had my half pot of coffee! lol
    She makes a kick-ass breakfast, this time I helped, and then we hang out until we know that Patty is home and settled in and we head over there...Teresa doesn't know about the thumb thing so I can chew away...well, at least until now she didn't know...

    I walked into Pattys moms with hope...hope that her mom will at least be kind to me but what I recieved was way beyond expectation...as soon as she laid eyes on me she embraced me tightly, held me back and looked into my eyes and said, "I have another daughter."  Holy fuckin' (sorry) SHIT!           I said, " oh my God, thank you so much, it's been a very long time since I've had a mom."  We embraced often and held hands almost continously. We laughed and cried together and we bonded.
     Patty will tolerate no pity nor crying. She doesn't need nor want it and me being a crier am giving myself an A+ for not once crying in front of her...Actually, I held it together the entire trip until...well, we will get to that later also...

    So we've been there a day and I've met Rob and Sandy, Teresa, her son Bobby, saw Pattys gorgeous daughter Melissa (I'd met her once when she was a teen) and her daughter Emily, uncle Pat and aunt Helga, their daughter Karen and son Brian and his girlfriend (who helped us find a place to stay the first night), and mom...I'd also met on the trip out, Donnas sister also named Teresa, her son and her grandaughter...14 people in all...Did I say overwhelming? and we had planned to leave that next day...Nope, can't do it, call the car rental and we're staying another day...

    Not knowing what to expect, I had planned to stay at Teresas again, but Patty informed us that I'd be staying there, with her, for the night. I could tell Teresa was bummed and I wanted to spend time with her too but couldn't talk her into spending the night there with us. I took her outside Pattys room and said, "listen, I want to spend time with you too and Patty needs to rest. You and I can take off and be together until this evening." We were leaving the next morning to come back home...So we jumped in her jeep  and she showed me all around to special places that she knew and loved and we had dinner together and laughed and held hands and hugged a lot!...Lots of pics coming from that...and a whole "nother" story! ;-)

Next up:  "My Night with Patty"

Get aquainted with Patty @

http://pateeta-shadesofblue.blogspot.com

What a Trip!

I'm going to begin this journey in the middle, this wild and wonderful ride that I've just taken out west..

Oh to be sure there is plenty to see and tell, some things that will drop your jaw, make you laugh, piss you off, but hey, I say things how I see them, but not  in any particular order. That's how my brain works, jumps around and you never know what may come out of my mouth.

In order for you to truly understand the situation, I need to give you a little (or a lot) of background info...Baby steps...this is a long story but I will break it up into smaller posts so as not to bore you to death...

    Ok, so I was given up for adoption along with my brother. I was adopted into the family (grandfather on fathers side), My brother was adopted by friends of my GF and my sister was sent to northern Mi to live with our grandma. Very long story short, I never had an inkling to find any of them. For the most part I grew up an only child as my mom/grandmother had shipped her own son off to his grandmas to live after they "got" me. I hadn't even told my husband that I was adopted, (had never told anyone) and wasn't planning on it but my mom got drunk and told him after we'd been married for a few years...He then pushed me and pushed me to find my sister.  My whole life all I ever wanted was a sister and I had told him that. He comes from a large family and is very family dedicated.
 

   So at age 32 I finally gave it a shot and within an hour I had found her...About a year later my brother found me and we were all reunited with sis and bio mom...That's a whole nother blog...(Is nother a word? It is now!)

    So anyway, bio mom had stayed in Ohio and remarried and had 4 more children whom I've visited several times. Bio dad moved out west, remarried and had 4 more children, whom I'd never met or even knew exsisted.

    It kills me that I can't remember the year but it's been several, possibly 10 years since Patty found me, through the internet. She was living in Chicago at the time and had made several trips to see me. We bonded almost immediately, sisters of the heart, old hippy/biker chicks with so much in common.  Then she divorced and moved out west with her young son to be by family again. I couldn't blame her but it was too far away and too expensive to visit so we kept in touch through phone and internet. I was also introduced to Rob (brother) and although we never actually met, we wrote letters back and forth and became aquainted that way. By the way, we don't do "halves"... we are FAMILY...

    So there I was... I still had 2 siblings left that I had never had any contact with...I had discussed it with Patty and she had said it was just best to leave them alone. So I did even though I was craving to meet my other siblings...OMG from no sisters to 4? Whooooo Hooooo...and yes I absolutely adore my brothers but the sister thing has been overwhelming...

    Patty was struck with Ovarian Cancer on her birthday, March 25 two years ago...
For some reason I never knew she even had a blog until she came to visit last summer...As I sat on the bed next to her and read it, only then did I know she had been diagnosed stage 3. It about knocked me on my ass and I fought back the tears as I apologized to her for not knowing.  I think we held hands from that point on until she left. Although she had already been through so very much, (follow her blog @  http://pateeta-shadesofblue.blogspot.com) medically, physically and emotionally she decided that she would take 3 weeks and visit her loved ones...She took planes, buses, cars and made her rounds through Wi, Mi, Oh, Ks, and Il.  She stayed with me for 3 full days and although we didn't do much but "visit" we were content. I couldn't hold it in any longer, I began crying as we sat together at the bus station (holding hands) and the moment she stepped on the bus I completely lost it and couldn't get it back for many days...what a dumb ass I am! How could I not have known?  While here, she was having some new pains and said she would have them checked out when she got home. She has been in and out of the hospital since. Her cancer has spread...

    I just had to go see her. She has come very close to death several times. But I was scared to go because, their mom, the other sister and brother wanted nothing to do with me and Patty lives back at home as she is too ill to work and maintain her home...I just kept telling myself that this was about Patty and I would deal with the rest when I got there, but I was scared shitless...and making a 4000 mile round trip in a non-smoking rental car with a cousin that I didn't even know was pretty scary too, a huge leap of faith for me to take all of this on. But I did it and wouldn't change a thing. (except the non smoking car!)

    Although I will take you along on the ride itself later, the next chapter will be about the arrival at the hospital and the visit... the visit of a lifetime...my family...my loved ones, and our Patty...

    Next chapter: "Not a good time"