Although we stayed in touch when she moved back to her home in AZ, we kind of drifted apart...She was working and raising her boyo, doing fine, had her own house and partied hardy with her biker/rock star boyfriend..Life was good... I had known she was diagnosed with cancer on her birthday in 2009 and I began keeping in closer touch...She went through her first surgery and round of Chemo and kept on working...She in the meantime had a heart attack and was facing a second round of Chemo...The first one had knock her out and she knew she couldn't work through the second round...She gave up her beautiful house and moved back into her old apts that she could afford...
Last summer she was not having to do Dr visits, etc, so she took 3 weeks and took buses, planes, cars to everyone in the miswest that she wanted to see before she died...The Drs. wouldn't say she was "in remittion" but she felt well enough to travel, alone with her many meds...I was blessed that she came to my house...We spent 4 wonderful days together...Then on her last day here she asked me if I'd ever read her blogs..No, I hadn't, wasn't even aware that she blogged...So side by side we sat on my bed with our laptops, she doing her thing which was to read anything funny that would make her laugh...I began reading her blogs...I was shocked to read that she had been diagnosed Stage 3 Ovarian cancer when she was innitially diagnosed...I fought my harest not to burst into tears...I told her how sorry I was that I didn't know earlier...I painfully held myself together until we got to the bus station for her to leave for the next leg of her journey...Inside, while waiting for her bus to arrive we held hands and I cried my eyes out...She never shed a tear for herself, just consoled me...While here she had briefly mentioned that she felt she had something new going on in her abdomen and that she would have it checked out when she got back to AZ...The rest of her story I will leave you to read for yourself in her blogs...http://pateeta-shadesofblue.blogspot.com ...She is the strongest, bravest woman I've ever known...
As I drove out with Donna the first time, I was scared to death to meet this other side of my family...Am I intruding? Will they welcome me or shun me like I was by my biological mother years ago...Had it not been for my sweet cousin Donna pushing me I may have never went out there that first time...But Patty was gravely ill and I could feel her suffering and had to get out ther, no matter what I faced when I got there...
I've already blogged about my arrival at her hospital the day we got there...She was very sick and was busy getting a breathing treatment when we arrived...Donna peeked in and like my blog says, Patty said, "Not a good time." So I hadn't seen her yet as her curtain was closed but she insisted on putting her eyes on me before we waited for her to be done...
(I've told this story so many times, forgive me if I'm being repetitive but am adament about my friends know my family and vice versa) I am so proud to be a part of this wonderful, loving and close-knit family...I've never known another like them...My childhood and marriage have been very dysfunctional and here I've met a one of a kind family...MY family!
Rob and Sandy...I list them together because they are one...They dive, mountain climb, Harley ride, work, sleep, love the ocean, family, and have a bond so strong it's unreal..... As we sat at the hospital that first day they were the first ones to arrive...I had been in contact before with Rob but didn't really know him well...He approached the room with a HUGE smile and began hugging me...Told me how much he loves me and we couldn't seem to get enough of one another, holding hands, hugging and sharing love...Sandy...I fell in love with her instantly...She is a vivacous, emotioal and loving soul...She loves me too and I am overwhelmed...There are hugs and kisses and pics being flashed constantly...They are funny, offbeat, and watching them interact was constant intertainment...They were made for each other...Two peas in a pod...Together 20 years...
Teresa...As I watched her approach the room from the elevator we made brief eye contact...I've said this before somewhere but I could tell by that short glance that she had an edge to her and didn't really appear to be all that excited to meet me but it was like looking in the mirror (When Patty was here, the first thing she said when she stepped off the bus was "you look just like Teresa")...I had spent many hours after that visit online looking at pics of her and wanting to know her, but I was weary of sending her a friend request...Again the fear of rejection...Once in the room I stood up to hug her and INSANTLY we clicked...More love and hugs and I love yous filled the air...We bonded immediately...She is the same as I expected, loving and compassionate but at the same time very tough skinned...I told her later on that if I ever need someones ass kicked I'd call her...there isn't a doubt in my mind that she will always be here for me, and I her...
Mom...Patty was getting out of the hospital the day after we arrived which meant I'd have to go see her at moms house...I was very nervous but again, I was accepted with loving arms and she stepped back and looked at me and said, " I have another daughter"...I was so warmed by her acceptance that I cried as I told her that it had been many years sin'ce I'd had a mom...We bonded...I was home...Mom is a stronged-willed, determined, loving and compassionate lady...Even with the constant stream of people coming to see and Dr Patty, no matter who was there, if it was dinner time they were expected to join us for dinner...During the first few weeks I was there she wouldn't allow me to do ANYTHING...She cooked, cleaned, did laundry, shopped and took care of Patty like a princess...Whatever Patty wanted, she got and the love that mom showed in her caregiving was overwhelming...As Pattys health worsened I began just jumping in and doing things around the house...She always got onto me about it but I got pretty good at sneeking in and getting things done while she cared for Patty...I finally told her "You take care of Patty and I'll get the rest." She allowed it until she caught me outside picking up dog poop and freaked out and yelled "you stop that right now!" Damn, ok then...calm down...Another time she walked in on me doing the dishes and said
"why don't you take a break...all you do is work around here." I replied, "why don't you leave me alone...I'll do what I want!" She was quiet for a few seconds and mumbled..."Brat"
Thank you mom...I love you...
Frank...Through 8 weeks of being out there I didn't get to spend much time with him...He is an incredible human being...Works hard and takes care of EVERYONE...He has the knack of knowing what people need without them asking...He observes and protects his family and is there when anyone needs help of any kind...He is kind, compassionate, loving and nurturing...I was happy when on my last day there I got to go to his house and he smoked a brisket and ribs...Everyone brought a dish and we have a blast...He had set up movies of our dad (whom I'd never known only through pictures) fishing and them as young kids selling their rocks but through circumstance beyond our control, Teresa, her son Bobby, mom and I had to leave early..Frank had said that he wanted to sit down just the 2 of us and have a beer and get aquainted...Didn't get to do that either...I was bummed...But at Pattys party a few weeks before he had hugged me tightly and told me that he loved me...He is a protector of his loved ones and saw that I was there to help, not hinder and that mom and I loved each other...I was in...So overwhelming that I can't even grasp it yet...and so many more people to meet...
Shana...This is Franks bride, (married a year or so), my sis, and as loving as the rest of the family...I didn't get to know her well either but I could tell that she is a wonderful lady...Looks are deceiving where she is concerned because she is a beautiful and very tiny lady who chose, has been for years, and continues to be a police officer...She started her career in Chicago, worked her way up the ladder to become a detective and then met Frank and re-located to AZ...I'm anxous to know her better and I'll bet she has some interesting stories to tell...
Melissa...Pattys daughter, age 24, beautiful and vivacious and has an equally beautiful and vivacious little girl named Emily...Mellisa is strong-will, loud and opinionated and I love her to pieces...She has a good head on her shoulders and is raising a polite, curteous, and well mannered daughter...She will make it in the world, no doubt in my mind...I love you Meltini...
Stephen...Pattys now 15 year old son...He is also polite, quiet mannered and smart...He mostly went to school and spent the rest of the time in his room as most teenage boys do...He would go into Pattys room several times a day and talk with her...Before school, after school and before bed...How does a 14 year old cope with his moms impending death? They were close but he said at one time that he felt his mom had been "gone" for a long time because of the heavy sedation and pain killers that she had to endure...Patty had asked our incredible brother Frank if he would adopt him when she passed...Of course he would, and will give him a wonderful and full life of schooling, sports and whatever else he needs.
Donna... I've already blogged about Donna and our relationship...check it out...see March posts..."Heading West"
I met many other family members, Franks kids, my Uncle Pat and aunt Helga whom I hadn't seen since I was 5, Brian and Karen, their adult kids, friends of Pattys whom I loved instantly, Christy, Steve, KT, Jenny, her neighbors Ray and Cheryl, Ruth, her hospice team, her 2 best friends in life Carol and Teri, her co-workers, and through the internet and Pattys blogs many others whom are loving and compassionate people and sent love and prayers daily...
Beautiful attracts beautiful and this, MY family and friends are the most beautiful people on Earth...I love you all...
And Finally, our beautiful Patty and her babies
No comments:
Post a Comment