Sunday, February 27, 2011

What a Trip!

I'm going to begin this journey in the middle, this wild and wonderful ride that I've just taken out west..
Oh to be sure there is plenty to see and tell, some things that will drop your jaw, make you laugh, piss you off, but hey, I say things how I see them, but not  in any particular order. That's how my brain works, jumps around and you never know what may come out of my mouth.

In order for you to truly understand the situation, I need to give you a little (or a lot) of background info...Baby steps...this is a long story but I will break it up into smaller posts so as not to bore you to death...

    Ok, so I was given up for adoption along with my brother. I was adopted into the family (grandfather on fathers side), My brother was adopted by friends of my GF and my sister was sent to northern Mi to live with our grandma. Very long story short, I never had an inkling to find any of them. For the most part I grew up an only child as my mom/grandmother had shipped her own son off to his grandmas to live after they "got" me. I hadn't even told my husband that I was adopted, (had never told anyone) and wasn't planning on it but my mom got drunk and told him after we'd been married for a few years...He then pushed me and pushed me to find my sister.  My whole life all I ever wanted was a sister and I had told him that. He comes from a large family and is very family dedicated.
 
   So at age 32 I finally gave it a shot and within an hour I had found her...About a year later my brother found me and we were all reunited with sis and bio mom...That's a whole nother blog...(Is nother a word? It is now!)

    So anyway, bio mom had stayed in Ohio and remarried and had 4 more children whom I've visited several times. Bio dad moved out west, remarried and had 4 more children, whom I'd never met or even knew exsisted.

    It kills me that I can't remember the year but it's been several, possibly 10 years since Patty found me, through the internet. She was living in Chicago at the time and had made several trips to see me. We bonded almost immediately, sisters of the heart, old hippy/biker chicks with so much in common.  Then she divorced and moved out west with her young son to be by family again. I couldn't blame her but it was too far away and too expensive to visit so we kept in touch through phone and internet. I was also introduced to Rob (brother) and although we never actually met, we wrote letters back and forth and became aquainted that way. By the way, we don't do "halves"... we are FAMILY...

    So there I was... I still had 2 siblings left that I had never had any contact with...I had discussed it with Patty and she had said it was just best to leave them alone. So I did even though I was craving to meet my other siblings...OMG from no sisters to 4? Whooooo Hooooo...and yes I absolutely adore my brothers but the sister thing has been overwhelming...

    Patty was struck with Ovarian Cancer on her birthday, March 25 two years ago...
For some reason I never knew she even had a blog until she came to visit last summer...As I sat on the bed next to her and read it, only then did I know she had been diagnosed stage 3. It about knocked me on my ass and I fought back the tears as I apologized to her for not knowing.  I think we held hands from that point on until she left. Although she had already been through so very much, (follow her blog @  http://pateeta-shadesofblue.blogspot.com) medically, physically and emotionally she decided that she would take 3 weeks and visit her loved ones...She took planes, buses, cars and made her rounds through Wi, Mi, Oh, Ks, and Il.  She stayed with me for 3 full days and although we didn't do much but "visit" we were content. I couldn't hold it in any longer, I began crying as we sat together at the bus station (holding hands) and the moment she stepped on the bus I completely lost it and couldn't get it back for many days...what a dumb ass I am! How could I not have known?  While here, she was having some new pains and said she would have them checked out when she got home. She has been in and out of the hospital since. Her cancer has spread...

    I just had to go see her. She has come very close to death several times. But I was scared to go because, their mom, the other sister and brother wanted nothing to do with me and Patty lives back at home as she is too ill to work and maintain her home...I just kept telling myself that this was about Patty and I would deal with the rest when I got there, but I was scared shitless...and making a 4000 mile round trip in a non-smoking rental car with a cousin that I didn't even know was pretty scary too, a huge leap of faith for me to take all of this on. But I did it and wouldn't change a thing. (except the non smoking car!)

    Although I will take you along on the ride itself later, the next chapter will be about the arrival at the hospital and the visit... the visit of a lifetime...my family...my loved ones, and our Patty...

    Next chapter: "Not a good time"


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