Firsts is a strange word and not one that you think of in daily life, but since you left, firsts have popped into my life like a whirlwind...There's that first birthday after you left and the first Thanksgiving and today the first snow...We shared our love of snow but this snow is different for me...It makes me incredibly sad that you are not here to share it with...It holds not beauty but sadness, no sparkle, no merry, nothing...and the stores, the decorations that I once loved hold no purpose for me know...They don't make me smile, take pics or approach...It's all just stuff...
As I'm sure you know I didn't decorate for Christmas this year...Oh I put up a tiny tree and scattered a few things around but not the show case that you grew up with...You said one time it looked like a Hallmark store, the utmost of compliments...Stuff...
I finally dreamed of you last night...Short but enough to rip me up for the day...I want to CHERISH those dreams, maybe I'm still too raw...
It's lonely here without you, no more friends stopping by, no more laughter, no more feuds...Just me and dad, struggling to move on...I can't even stand to THINK of Christmas...Although we will spend it with loved ones, you won't be there...The holidays are the only times that I KNEW you'd be home and I have wonderful memories of all of us together...
Your cats miss you, your boy immediately loves up on me as soon as I open the door and looks for you in the bath tub...and he still weighs a ton...
I felt this need to write and I feel a little better...Dumb, I know, writing to a computer but you know how writing relaxes me and I want people to know all about you, your likes, your loves, your wit...Love you! Mom
