Let me go back to 1991...My mom had passed the previous September, at my home, in my spare bedroom...Although I had all of her equipment removed from her room I left the door shut never even to peek in...One of my boys was in an Easter play at church and although I'm not a church goer this particular service had really hit home. When we got home, I changed my clothes and stood in front of moms door, head down, scared, procrastinating...Ok, 1-2-3- quickly run in and shut the door behind me...It took me to my knees, the smell, my mom, she was there with me! I'm not sure how long I stayed in there just breathing her in...There was no furniture so I sat up against the wall on the floor...I was in there long enough to wonder if I was crazy, I kept thinking "this is just stupid"...I guess I was gone long enough that my boys were looking for me...The door opens and in walks my oldest son Beau (RIP baby) and before I could say a word he said, "Oh my God, it smells like Gramma Betty in here!"...Of course I crumpled into a sobbing ball as he sat down beside me, finally got up and made our dinner...
Fast forward to 1994...My oldest son had passed away in January of this year...Hubby and I were separated, he and my young son living down south (I'm am sooooo very sorry David!) I had a good job, my own little apartment, lots of friends, had just discovered ceramics...life was decent...I loved to cook so and I'd always cooked for 4 so I loved having friends over for dinner as there was always more than enough...One Easter Sunday I invited another single girlfriend over for dinner...Now mind you I had lived in the apartment for 6 months, highly decorated as I like etc....One shelf on my living room wall held a picture of Beau and about 6 other misc items...We were eating dinner when suddenly the shelf swooped down, hanging by one nail and EVERYTHING except Beaus picture fell off...Of course I lost it...But I couldn't have had a better person there with me as she had recently lost a son as well so she totally got it as I explained to her...So much for dinner...I left that shelf like that for days and he stayed...
Easter 2011
My wonderful sister Patty loses her life to cancer...What a perfect day for her to leave...She was one of the strongest forces in my life, she was wild and crazy and smart and positive, sweet and loving and took shit from no one...I was blessed to have her visit me the summer before and it was the first she'd told me that she was stage 3...Her in AZ fighting for her life and me In MI, I stayed in as close touch as I could...She went through so much...While she was here she turned me on to some of her favorite websites, "things that make me laugh," she said...She blogged her entire 2 year long personal hell and never lost faith, never complained, never lost her ability to fight...I go back and read through her blogs to give myself courage and strength...It seems that I am there often lately...She is in my heart, loud and clear today as are Beau and my mom...I miss you all so very much...
I apologize if this blog saddened you on a happy day...Blame Donna... ;-)
and Donna? Thank you! I have stopped crying since writing this and am moving forward in my day...I love you!
