"Not a Good Time"

We, meaning my cousin Donna and I, cruised into Phoenix late at night. After 2 days on the road, sleeping in the car, stopping in OK City at my other cousins to power nap, shower and hit the road again.  We had left home with $560.00 between us and were both waiting for our taxes to be put in our accounts. We didn't want to spend money on rooms however we did end up getting one in New Mexico...we were just plain exhausted...

4 hours from Phoenix we got a call from the person with whom we were supposed to stay, and for reasons beyond her control, she couldn't have us...Shit, it's late, we're in Phoenix and have NO idea where to stay...first we find the hospital and although it is too late to visit at least we now know where it is...we are panicky, not knowing which are the "bad" neighborhoods and which are safe...So we go to a cousins house and he gets on his computer and shows us where to go, we book a room and we go...The money is dwindling fast...By the time we get settled in it is almost 2:00am...Exhausted, we shower and fall into bed...

    Let me say here that Donna is an EARLY riser...WAYYYYY early...I know she is impatient while waiting for my slow ass to wake up and then awhile longer for me to actually function. But, bless her heart, she never says a word...I move as fast as my old body will allow...It is still very early...we leave the room and walk into the hospital at 9:20am...I am nervous as I know that I will be facing my siblings, the ones I've never met and their mom...I've about chewed my thumb off (I chew, pick, chomp and mangle my left thumb when I'm nervous) Throughout the trip when Donna would catch me "picking" she'd gently lay her hand on mine and say, "stop, it's going to be ok."  (this from a cousin who I've just met)...Oh, we'd seen each other a couple of times but had no relationship. We were strangers and we were Higgins's...OMG, what a combination as we Higgins's, although very loving and close, have tempers that could take out a large city...
    Just let me talk about Donna for a minute...She's elegant, rowdy, ladylike and swears as much as I do...She's got the patience of Job, nerves of steel and one of the softest hearts I've ever known. This cousin/sister of mine has wriggled her way into my heart. I don't let many in there. It has been protected for many many years with the walls around it. I would die for her.
I love you sweet Donna!

    Ok, so we find Pattys room, she has only just had surgery 2 days ago but came out of it unscathed. The surgery was suppose to take 4 hours and she was supposed to be on a respirator for up to 14 days. This goes against herDNR (do not resusitate) order that she has signed...But after long meetings with the family she agrees...to 14 days only, and then they are to pull the plug. She is very ill and very tired...

    If you know our Patty, you know that she is a woman of strength and pride, and loves beyond measure...as we approach her room we see that her curtain is half drawn but see no one sitting in there...We walk in and peek around the curtain and Patty says, "not a good time."  She was getting her breathing treatment.   She had blasted through surgery in an hour and within the next hour in the recovery room, her surgery had taken and her lung began inflating on it's own...NO RESPIRATOR!!!!  The woman is AMAZING, INCREDIBLE, UNBELEAVABLE !!!
    So we wait in the hallway until she is done (pick pick chew chew)and she calls us in...I get ahold of her and wrap myself around her...Oops, gotta be careful, she has medical boo boos everywhere...sorry babe, didn't mean to hurt you...

    She is much thinner than when she visited me last summer and her color is gray but she's got the biggest most beautiful smile on her face that I've ever seen.  We visit for ahwile, just us 3 girls. Patty says that Rob and his wife Sandy will be here soon...Oh CRAP...(now ripping at my thumb) Remember, I know him, but don't know him, never met.  As they approach her room, Rob in the lead, he is grinning from ear to ear...I get up and meet him at the door where he gives me one of the bestest hugs of my life and tells me he loves me. Wow, it IS going to be ok, Donna!  His beautiful wife then embraces me and tells me SHE loves me...OMG, am I dreaming all of this? Someone pinch me, please. (Donna, you nevermind!)

    Ok, so 3 more to meet...Other sis, other brother and mom...SCARY...
   
    Just before noon I see sister Teresa, no pun intended, walking towards the room...wait...is that her or me? We look JUST alike and I could tell by the look on her face that she was edgy. I didn't immediately get up to meet her at the door, quite honestly I was skeered...she walked in, Patty introduces us and we hug and bond...immediately...love all around...hand holding, cheek kisses, power hugs, all of us...We were one and we were united...With the exceptions of my children being born this is the highlight of my life...FINALLY, I BELONG and to this WONDERFUL AND LOVING family! How blessed am I? UNBELIEVABLE!

    By this time it is early afternoon...Everyone is hungry and Patty is exhausted. We all decide to go to lunch together and let Patty rest. We go to Jack in the Box at my request. (They have been gone from Michigan for many years) we eat, we laugh, we talk, Teresa and I sit together so we can touch and hug each other while we eat...acting like little girls .When we were done everyone was going home until the evening. Donna and I went back to the hospital but Patty was sound asleep...We left her be and decided to go and visit our Uncle Pat and his wife...I haven't seen them since I was 5 years old...Donna has kept in touch with them and is very fond of them. I trusted her judgement and we went...I'll get to that visit later...back to Patty...
    We went back up to see her in the evening and although in pain she was sitting up and visiting...at some point she ordered everyone out of her room (there was probably 8 of us in there)...except her sisters...Teresa and I got on each side of her and we hugged and pow-wowed...Just us, joined at the heart...Unbreakable and still unblievable...Wow, I'd never experienced anything like it in my life, the raw and pure love...Mindbending...

    Later that evening after leaving the hospital, I am to go to spend the night at Teresas and Donna will stay at Uncle Pats...We will meet her at the hospital in the morning.  I go to Teresas and Rob, Sandy, Teresas son Bobby, Donna and Karen (Uncle Pats daughter that I'd just met) and we all laugh and take pics and Teresa has steaks for the grill. It is warm and beautiful outside although it is getting dark...Rob grills the steaks, Sandy and Teresa baked potatos and made salad and I just chilled with a beer...Donna and Karen leave to go back to uncle Pats house and Rob and Sandy and us sisters get aquainted, drink beer and love each other...Rob and Sandy leave and sis and I stayed up well past 2:00am looking at old pics and I am still in shock from the wonder of it all ...what a wonderful wonderful feeling...I love you Teresa!!!

    Donna, the early riser, calls EARLY...My blow up bed has scooted under the coffee table so when I go to grab my phone I bump my head. Not that it did any damage...I was already damaged...lol..."hello" I say groggily...WHAT? Patty is getting out today??? OMG! WHOOO HOOO...
I let Teresa sleep and as I have my coffee and try and clear the webs from my brain it hits me...SHIT, if Patty is going home, I am going to have to go THERE to see her...Her moms house...(insert thumb between teeth) I haven't met her yet!
    I have to add here, that I got a kick out of Teresa when she got up. She is JUST like me in the morning, stumbling around with her coffee and not talking...I can so relate...Don't talk to me until I've had my half pot of coffee! lol
    She makes a kick-ass breakfast, this time I helped, and then we hang out until we know that Patty is home and settled in and we head over there...Teresa doesn't know about the thumb thing so I can chew away...well, at least until now she didn't know...

    I walked into Pattys moms with hope...hope that her mom will at least be kind to me but what I recieved was way beyond expectation...as soon as she laid eyes on me she embraced me tightly, held me back and looked into my eyes and said, "I have another daughter."  Holy fuckin' (sorry) SHIT!           I said, " oh my God, thank you so much, it's been a very long time since I've had a mom."  We embraced often and held hands almost continously. We laughed and cried together and we bonded.
     Patty will tolerate no pity nor crying. She doesn't need nor want it and me being a crier am giving myself an A+ for not once crying in front of her...Actually, I held it together the entire trip until...well, we will get to that later also...

    So we've been there a day and I've met Rob and Sandy, Teresa, her son Bobby, saw Pattys gorgeous daughter Melissa (I'd met her once when she was a teen) and her daughter Emily, uncle Pat and aunt Helga, their daughter Karen and son Brian and his girlfriend (who helped us find a place to stay the first night), and mom...I'd also met on the trip out, Donnas sister also named Teresa, her son and her grandaughter...14 people in all...Did I say overwhelming? and we had planned to leave that next day...Nope, can't do it, call the car rental and we're staying another day...

    Not knowing what to expect, I had planned to stay at Teresas again, but Patty informed us that I'd be staying there, with her, for the night. I could tell Teresa was bummed and I wanted to spend time with her too but couldn't talk her into spending the night there with us. I took her outside Pattys room and said, "listen, I want to spend time with you too and Patty needs to rest. You and I can take off and be together until this evening." We were leaving the next morning to come back home...So we jumped in her jeep  and she showed me all around to special places that she knew and loved and we had dinner together and laughed and held hands and hugged a lot!...Lots of pics coming from that...and a whole "nother" story! ;-)

Next up:  "My Night with Patty"

Get aquainted with Patty @

http://pateeta-shadesofblue.blogspot.com

What a Trip!

I'm going to begin this journey in the middle, this wild and wonderful ride that I've just taken out west..

Oh to be sure there is plenty to see and tell, some things that will drop your jaw, make you laugh, piss you off, but hey, I say things how I see them, but not  in any particular order. That's how my brain works, jumps around and you never know what may come out of my mouth.

In order for you to truly understand the situation, I need to give you a little (or a lot) of background info...Baby steps...this is a long story but I will break it up into smaller posts so as not to bore you to death...

    Ok, so I was given up for adoption along with my brother. I was adopted into the family (grandfather on fathers side), My brother was adopted by friends of my GF and my sister was sent to northern Mi to live with our grandma. Very long story short, I never had an inkling to find any of them. For the most part I grew up an only child as my mom/grandmother had shipped her own son off to his grandmas to live after they "got" me. I hadn't even told my husband that I was adopted, (had never told anyone) and wasn't planning on it but my mom got drunk and told him after we'd been married for a few years...He then pushed me and pushed me to find my sister.  My whole life all I ever wanted was a sister and I had told him that. He comes from a large family and is very family dedicated.
 

   So at age 32 I finally gave it a shot and within an hour I had found her...About a year later my brother found me and we were all reunited with sis and bio mom...That's a whole nother blog...(Is nother a word? It is now!)

    So anyway, bio mom had stayed in Ohio and remarried and had 4 more children whom I've visited several times. Bio dad moved out west, remarried and had 4 more children, whom I'd never met or even knew exsisted.

    It kills me that I can't remember the year but it's been several, possibly 10 years since Patty found me, through the internet. She was living in Chicago at the time and had made several trips to see me. We bonded almost immediately, sisters of the heart, old hippy/biker chicks with so much in common.  Then she divorced and moved out west with her young son to be by family again. I couldn't blame her but it was too far away and too expensive to visit so we kept in touch through phone and internet. I was also introduced to Rob (brother) and although we never actually met, we wrote letters back and forth and became aquainted that way. By the way, we don't do "halves"... we are FAMILY...

    So there I was... I still had 2 siblings left that I had never had any contact with...I had discussed it with Patty and she had said it was just best to leave them alone. So I did even though I was craving to meet my other siblings...OMG from no sisters to 4? Whooooo Hooooo...and yes I absolutely adore my brothers but the sister thing has been overwhelming...

    Patty was struck with Ovarian Cancer on her birthday, March 25 two years ago...
For some reason I never knew she even had a blog until she came to visit last summer...As I sat on the bed next to her and read it, only then did I know she had been diagnosed stage 3. It about knocked me on my ass and I fought back the tears as I apologized to her for not knowing.  I think we held hands from that point on until she left. Although she had already been through so very much, (follow her blog @  http://pateeta-shadesofblue.blogspot.com) medically, physically and emotionally she decided that she would take 3 weeks and visit her loved ones...She took planes, buses, cars and made her rounds through Wi, Mi, Oh, Ks, and Il.  She stayed with me for 3 full days and although we didn't do much but "visit" we were content. I couldn't hold it in any longer, I began crying as we sat together at the bus station (holding hands) and the moment she stepped on the bus I completely lost it and couldn't get it back for many days...what a dumb ass I am! How could I not have known?  While here, she was having some new pains and said she would have them checked out when she got home. She has been in and out of the hospital since. Her cancer has spread...

    I just had to go see her. She has come very close to death several times. But I was scared to go because, their mom, the other sister and brother wanted nothing to do with me and Patty lives back at home as she is too ill to work and maintain her home...I just kept telling myself that this was about Patty and I would deal with the rest when I got there, but I was scared shitless...and making a 4000 mile round trip in a non-smoking rental car with a cousin that I didn't even know was pretty scary too, a huge leap of faith for me to take all of this on. But I did it and wouldn't change a thing. (except the non smoking car!)

    Although I will take you along on the ride itself later, the next chapter will be about the arrival at the hospital and the visit... the visit of a lifetime...my family...my loved ones, and our Patty...

    Next chapter: "Not a good time"